just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
