I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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