just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize