Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
