The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
