remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
