I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize