took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Two words: blizzard sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize