Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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