My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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