Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
