How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
