Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
