it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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