I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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