I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
