Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...

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(636): View more from Missouri

maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

Your godly.

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(949): View more from California

I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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(315): View more from New York

My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?

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