keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
