But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
