Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
