i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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