I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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