Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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