I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
