she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
