Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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