what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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