end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
