What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
