That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
