There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
