You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
