OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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