i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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