where am i from again
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
