Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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