Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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