sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
