No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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