why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
