I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
