she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
