i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
