Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
