Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You pole danced in your parka.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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