ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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