I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
