i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
