what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
