talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
