We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
why do cheetos always look like penises
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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