4 words: hood of his car
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
