Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
