Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
