gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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