Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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