Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
