i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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