I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize