his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
