The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
