remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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