I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The adults are the big ones right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
