Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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