im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
