there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
