My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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