from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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