I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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