Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
