She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
