Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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