she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
