he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Text me some of your sweat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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