Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
