ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
