i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
