How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
