I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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