We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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