You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize