is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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