i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can I color on your dick again?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
