what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
