i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
