My cat gives me a boner
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
