I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
