your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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