i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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