Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sarcasm needs its own font
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize