she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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