You smell like a Billy Joel song
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
