well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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